Be Your Hubby's Best Friend

The best thing a wife can do for her husband is to be his best friend.

Noemi O. Mactiag is a pastor's wife in the Philippines.

A best friend is someone who ap­preciates, inspires, encourages and loves you even at your worst. The best thing a wife can do for her husband is to be his best friend.

Men love appreciation from others. They will gladly receive recognition. A man's need for approval is as strong as your need for security in financial matters and family relationships. When a man knows his wife approves of him, he enjoys her companionship. He will find himself spon­taneously complementing her in response to the approval she gives. One way to show approval is the "direct" ap­proach—expressing esteem for your husband verbally or through letters, love notes and cards. A husband commented, "When she sends cards that cite specific qualities she appreciates in me, I feel inspired to think about her praiseworthy qualities and reciprocate with a card."

Here are some of the "indirect" approaches to show appreciation for your husband:

  1. Be attentive to his concerns.
  2. Look as attractive as possible when he comes home.
  3. Prepare appetizing meals.
  4. Show interest and ask ques­tions about his job, activities, problems, achievements,
  5. Listen attentively by focusing your eyes on him.
  6. Don't make him compete when he's trying to talk to you.

A husband once testified: "While in college I dated a lot of different girls. Eventually I met a girl who had a particular quality that attracted me like a magnet. Even though I was still dating others, I called her almost every day, spending an hour or two on the phone with her. The magnetic quality that kept me racing for the telephone was this girl's positive attitude. She was always so much fun to talk to, never doing or even saying negative things. She was always encouraging and positive. Four years later we married and today, after 14 years of marriage, her positive outlook on life continues to be a tremendous source of joy and strength. She uses her alertness and awareness to look beyond surface issues, and she often see positive benefits in situations that appear dark and hopeless to me."

We usually find it easy or necessary to have a positive atti­tude around our friends and associates. Don't you agree that our mates deserve the same consideration? When your husband comes home from work, the worst thing you can do is greet him with a negative comment about something he forgot to do or some disaster you encountered during the day. It is not that you should not talk about negative things, but there is a right time to talk about them. Wait until he's had a chance to rest or until the house is quiet after the kids have gone to bed. If a negative situation is so important that you have to confront him with it as soon as he comes home—then use the salt principle: Never communicate information you consider to be important without first creating a burning curiosity within the listener.

Our husbands aren't angels with halos, but they are human beings prone to commit mistakes. This calls for patience, understanding, genuine love, forgiveness, and foremost—acceptance. Knowing that they are accepted, understood and forgiven will encourage them to change for the better and even for the best.

Marriage is for keeps. Season it with much fun and happiness by being a best friend to your hubby and he will be one to you likewise. Always remember the common denominator of all the principles, love.