The call has come ... again. I've felt its eminence for a few months now. Why, it's actually past time, four and a half years in the same church! And they have been such good years. I remember the cold December day we Floridians moved in, newcomers to Colorado snows, tired, and lonely. What a pleasant surprise to find the kitchen cupboards with good and friendly notes signed with as of yet unfamiliar names. This was the beginning of a wonderful experience of Christian love with the Boulder church.
Now it's time to move on, and my thoughts churn in my head so fast. There are so many questions. I keep asking myself why do we have to go? Do we have to go? Is this really God speaking to us? Everything is so, well, comfortable, so predictable, why change now? I'm just getting to know all the church members by name, and Kindergarten Sabbath school is running smoothly. The kids have started school here, with good teachers and close friends. I've been able to work back into my profession on a part-time basis after eight years of being at home mothering. What does the future hold? Will the kids adjust to new friends and a new school? Will I have to work full time just to meet expenses?
I pray, "Lord, I want to trust you. I want to leave it all in Your hands." Now I find myself grabbing my trust back and worrying and questioning. After reading Turning Points by Jim Smoke, I have come to the realization that change is good. It helps us stretch, to utilize our potential, but "ouch" it hurts. I long to just feel at ease, to have structure and a known path to walk. The unknown is so frightening.
At our house I've painted walls, washed windows, hung pictures, and arranged furniture (that fits this house). What will our new house be like? There are many memories here—memories of laughing around the breakfast table, playing kickball with the kids in the basement, of warm cozy evenings spent in front of the fireplace, and the quiet times alone with God in a special nook. The trees we have planted, have grown taller than me now. Who will see them give shade? Our flowers are neatly arranged shared cuttings of neighbors, and seeds lovingly sowed. And then there is the rock edging, backbreakingly laid.
Then there are those friendships that have carried me through some stormy points in these years of my life. To say goodbye hurts so bad. I would rather say, "See you later." will always carry the gifts these friendships have made and will long for the day when they can continue on a day-to-day basis.
"Dear Lord, there have been so many happy times here. Uncurl my fingers gently and give me grace to share this place, with all its memories, with those who come next."
And of the future? From how its been with past moves, I know that there will be new friends, new places to see, and a new work God will call me to do. One quote from Ellen White gives me much counsel and encouragement at moving time. "When He was preparing Elijah for translation, God moved him from place to place, that the prophet might not settle down at ease, and thus fail of gaining spiritual power. And it was God's design that Elijah's influence should be a power to help many souls to gain a wider more helpful experience" (Gospel Workers, p. 270).
Heaven in a place we as pilgrims on earth can look forward to, where we can lay down our bags and STAY! I am looking forward to that.
