Dear Abigail

How do we reignite our spiritual atmosphere as a couple and family?


Dear Abigail,

My husband and I, like most ministerial families, are very active. In the beginning, it seemed as if we were closer . . . more connected. Our intimate life is satisfactory (at times), but our spiritual connection time “together” is lacking so much that I am not satisfied anymore.

I have talked with other ministry friends, and they have noticed this undesirable trend in their own marriages.

It didn’t happen all at once. Honestly, I’m not sure where things “got off track” for us. We both have an individual connection with God, but I really miss our “together” time as a couple, even as a family. I really need some advice to reignite our spiritual atmosphere as a couple and a family in ministry. It feels as if we’re just going through the motions. I know God wants us to do better; I’m just not sure where to begin.


Concerned and “In-a-Rut”

Dear Concerned,

The situation you describe is all too common. No ministerial family is immune, whether your spouse just entered the ministry or retirement is looming.

I could mention a dozen benefits of prioritizing time and managing the “busy-ness” of pastoral ministry. We’re all familiar with this challenge, yet we all struggle to find the balance we dream about. So instead of addressing balance, I will offer some practical advice that can work at any stage of ministry.

You and your husband should immediately begin praying together. I’m not talking about prayers at mealtime or bedtime prayers with your children (although these should be included).

Prayer is a “non-negotiable” for the ministerial couple. Believe it or not, many couples don’t pray together. It may seem awkward at first, but pray anyway. The enemy knows that if he can “divide and conquer” our spiritual time together as a couple, we won’t be fortified in God’s strength.

You know the old cliché: “The family that prays together stays together.” But it’s true! As you make this commitment together, other things that are lacking in your spiritual and physical time as a couple will reignite.

I love this passage in 2 Chron. 7:14: “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land” (NKJV).

God wants so much to be glorified through our marriages. He wants to heal every area in our lives that doesn’t reflect His character. Praying together and reconnecting spiritually will break any stronghold the enemy has imposed on your time together as a couple.

Another important thing? Don’t spend one more moment reflecting on your lack of spiritual connection as a couple. Instead, start today and the New Year with prayer individually, as a couple, and with your family. Then watch God bless and connect you as you serve faithfully together!