The other day I made a checklist of things in ministry that I resent. It was not a long list, thankfully. However, at the top of my list of resentments was having to sit alone at church events while my husband, Jim,* is busily taking care of assignments pertaining to the event.
The last straw came at a recent meeting when my dear husband was “running around” taking care of this and that, while he missed the powerful messages given by the featured speaker. My heart hurt for Jim as I realized how much of the precious Word he was missing. Furthermore, I could not enjoy my husband’s company as the presenter was used by the Spirit.
I felt sorry for Jim and for me. In fact, resentment built up within me. “Why do the administrators lay so much responsibility on these young pastors?” I fumed to myself. “Do they not think that they too could benefit from the presentations? Looks like poor planning to me!”
After the service was over, I confronted the conference president and stated my grievance. I think it is a ministerial wife’s duty to defend/ protect her husband. What do you think?
Dear Hubby’s Advocate,
I feel your pain, and we all have our list of irritations. Many pastors’ wives can identify with the resentment you have at the top of your list: not being able to sit with your spouse and be blessed by an event together. The reason? Because the young pastor-husband is running around attending to matters related to the meeting. Also, as we look around we see multiple couples enjoying the messages, as well as each other’s company. Perhaps the speaker makes a solid point, and you think, If only Jim were here . . .
Here are some things you can think about:
1. Jim’s skills are needed to help with the details of the event. It takes many hands to effect a successful event. Take notes so that you will be able to discuss some points from the presentation with Jim.
2. One day Jim will be a senior pastor; he may even be the conference president, and he will be able to sit beside you while a younger pastor takes care of details.
3. Confronting your husband’s boss on matters like this can make you appear unprofessional and may even escalate into disrespect. Your husband is capable of fighting his own battles. Do not embarrass him by “defending” him to his boss.
4. Pray that God will give you the ability to cope with this situation. There will be more “husbandless” events in the future, but God will see you through them.
5. Realize that you and Jim are both God’s servants. “The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him” (John 13:16, KJV). Perhaps you may want to consider helping Jim attend to some little details at the meetings.
Success to you!
* Name has been changed.