PURITY ENCOMPASSES MORE than sexual and moral purity, as important as those are. Jesus calls us to spiritual purity. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8). Purity is a gift from God (James 4:8).
We all want the best for our children, which includes a connection with God that purifies their thoughts, words, and actions. We want the same for their future spouses. Certainly pray for your child and their future spouse, asking God to lead, protect, and empower them to wait patiently for Him. We can also talk with our children about purity and help them choose friends and, ultimately, a spouse who is wholeheartedly committed to God.
Keep your chats casual. Driving to and from school or church events provides opportunity to talk about God and His plan for their lives—which includes their future spouse. Give advice and listen if they want to talk.
ADVICE TO SHARE
What kind of spouse do you hope to have some day? Someone who will be true to God and you? A faithful worker for God? Someone cheerful, helpful, and loving to you and your children and steady through life’s trials? If so, you need to look for someone who already displays strong traits of character. The way someone lives now indicates how they will approach life in a future with you.
Watch the way a person relates to members of the opposite sex. Friendships should be casual, completely out in the open, and wholesome. Daughters: Observe how a guy treats his mother. That will be a good indication of his respect for womanhood and how he will someday treat his wife . . . YOU! Sons: If a woman doesn’t treat her father with respect, she likely won’t respect you.
Do they exhibit fruits of the Spirit? Is their language clean, kind, truthful, and uplifting? Are they faithful in Bible study, prayer, tithing, and church attendance? Do they encourage others? What kind of music and entertainment do they consume? Be sure you don’t get someone who is into pornography! Pornography can cause divorce.
To have a good spouse you will need to be preparing yourself to be a good spouse. Daughters: One of the first things a good guy will notice is how you dress. Do you try to show as much of yourself as you can get away with? Does your character show the beauty of Jesus? Sons: A woman looks for a man to initiate and lead. You’ll need to make the first move by pursuing her. She’ll likely ask friends or family about your character, your work ethic, and whether you are a man of prayer. Is your focus on Christ?
At some point in your relationship, you will encounter sexual desires. You might be told, “Oh Babe, I love you SO much; let’s go to bed together. We are going to get married just as soon as . . .” You can answer, “If you REALLY loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to do this. I have pledged myself under God to wait until I’m married. I want to save myself for my future spouse, and I don’t know yet who that is.”
OF SMUDGES AND WORTH
When I was single, I told each young man I dated this story: “Once there was a little white rose bud. While many admired its beauty, it was promised to someone special—someone it had not yet met. A few young men took the flower, promising faithfully to bring it back unharmed, but each time the rose bud returned with a slight smudge or tear. I am that little white rose bud. I have determined to save myself for that special young man. Only God knows now who he is. But when he does come for me, I will be so happy to be able to give myself to him without spot or blemish.”
But what about those roses who are or become smudged and torn? Some of us have endured abuses that have left us feeling unworthy. Some have willingly made choices we later regret. Either way, we find forgiveness and healing in Christ. There are ample examples in the Bible of renewed lives, including Rahab, a harlot who became the mother of Boaz and the great-great grandmother of King David.
God promises: “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins” (Isaiah 43:25, ESV).
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1–4, ESV).
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
While sexual purity is valuable, spiritual purity is essential, and both are found only in Christ. His power can make us and keep us pure.
