TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE DIFFICULTY identifying when physical, emotional, or sexual abuse has taken place. When people grow up in an abusive home, sometimes that is the only "normal" they know. This helps explain why many survivors of abuse end up with an abusive partner. Sometimes violence begins early in a relationship, and other times it takes years to appear.
SIGNS OF ABUSE
We must educate ourselves to recognize signs of abuse and refer people to professionals who can help.
Warning signs of abuse in families1
People who are being abused may:
• Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
• Go along with everything their partner says and does
• Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they're doing
• Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
• Talk about their partner's temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
Warning signs of physical violence
People who are being physically abused may:
• Have frequent injuries, often using the excuse of "accidents" when questioned
• Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions without explanation
• Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g., wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
Warning signs of isolation
People who are being isolated by their abuser may:
• Be restricted from seeing family and friends
• Rarely go out in public without their partner
• Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car
Psychological warning signs of abuse
People who are being abused may:
• Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
• Show major personality changes (e.g., an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
• Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Consider participating in the Adventist enditnow® global initiative to raise awareness about abuse. An annual emphasis at your church on the fourth Saturday in August helps educate your church and community. Excellent materials are prepared each year, including sermons, children's stories, and seminars. Be intentional about raising awareness and referring people to appropriate experts who can help guide the family.
We should pray for the individual or family in crisis, but we must also act. Reaching out with love and compassion is critical, using wisdom and kindness as we offer help. Refer people to appropriate experts who can help guide the family. Make yourself available and identify counselors in the church (if available) or the community who are experts and can be trusted to help.
In cases of child abuse, or if you witness or learn of a dangerous situation for anyone in the family, call the police or social services. In the case of spousal abuse, you may help save a life. In some places, females are killed by their partner twice as much as males.2 Unfortunately this has happened among Adventist families when pastors or other leaders have ignored victims' calls for help.
We can also become more involved in our community and partner with ongoing domestic abuse prevention programs. We may assist a local shelter or domestic violence organization in their efforts to raise awareness.
In other words, use your influence and refuse to support the culture perpetuated in music, movies, television, games, and the media that glorifies violence, particularly against women and children. When cases come before the church board, take them seriously and do not condone or protect the abuser because of their position in the church. Instead, call the police, use discipline appropriately, and seek to refer both the victim and perpetrator for individual counseling.
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1 https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domesticviolence/10-ways-you-can-help-prevent-domestic-violencewhere-you-live
2 https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/ domestic-violence-and-abuse
